Several months ago, I started a google spreadsheet to keep track of my conquests and dating patterns. I columns for name, job, income, religion, type, physical characteristics, and notes. There are 3 sheets in the document: Active, Deactivated, and Prospects.
Without going into too much detail, this helps me keep track of all the men in my life, and helps me to create closure when a relationship or dating period ends. When I haven't heard from a guy in over 2 weeks, I simply move their row over into the "Deactivated" pile.
I am pretty good at my job, and decided, why shouldn't I bring the same kind of organization and thoughtfulness to my love life that I bring to work. Organizing their names and careers on a sheet helps me to feel in control, and manage my strategies for relationships. If there is a prospect that is particularly attractive, I focus my outreach efforts on him.
The problem comes when your actives list is narrowed down to two.
Monday, November 9, 2009
A small commitment
So the conversation with B last Wednesday night at Happy Hour went something like this -->
M: So I really have been wanting to talk to you about something. I just want to make sure you're not just stringing me along until you find someone better, because that's what it feels like sometimes. I mean, I really like you, and I think we are great together, but I don't like being anyone's second choice or back up.
B: You're not. I do really like you too, I mean would I be here if I wasn't interested. And believe me, I know, you would never play second fiddle to anyone. You would never be anyone's second choice. There is no one else, I'm only interested in dating you. I'm really bad at talking about this emotion stuff you know?
more talking........
M: So I guess the last thing I wanted to ask about was to tell you that there are guys who are interested and want a commitment. Is it still ok for me to be dating other people?
B: ....silence.....
M: Ok, nevermind, lets just say I didn't ask that.
B: No, hold on a second, I'm just thinking here....... No.
M: No what?
B: No, its not ok for you to be dating other people.
And that was the basics of the conversation. :) and I can't stop smiling, and I'm so ridiculously incredibly happy, and yeah. freaking 11 months..... 11.... 11.
I realize its not the most ideal way to enter into an exclusive relationship, but for Ben, who I tend to believe if my own Mr. Big, this is HUGE step.
I don't really know what's going to happen from here, or if anything is actually going to change, but its pretty exciting.
M!
M: So I really have been wanting to talk to you about something. I just want to make sure you're not just stringing me along until you find someone better, because that's what it feels like sometimes. I mean, I really like you, and I think we are great together, but I don't like being anyone's second choice or back up.
B: You're not. I do really like you too, I mean would I be here if I wasn't interested. And believe me, I know, you would never play second fiddle to anyone. You would never be anyone's second choice. There is no one else, I'm only interested in dating you. I'm really bad at talking about this emotion stuff you know?
more talking........
M: So I guess the last thing I wanted to ask about was to tell you that there are guys who are interested and want a commitment. Is it still ok for me to be dating other people?
B: ....silence.....
M: Ok, nevermind, lets just say I didn't ask that.
B: No, hold on a second, I'm just thinking here....... No.
M: No what?
B: No, its not ok for you to be dating other people.
And that was the basics of the conversation. :) and I can't stop smiling, and I'm so ridiculously incredibly happy, and yeah. freaking 11 months..... 11.... 11.
I realize its not the most ideal way to enter into an exclusive relationship, but for Ben, who I tend to believe if my own Mr. Big, this is HUGE step.
I don't really know what's going to happen from here, or if anything is actually going to change, but its pretty exciting.
M!
Friday, November 6, 2009
Ben as my own Mr. Big
Hey Chicas,
I just wanted to say thanks for such a great Haloween. 3 parties in one night baby! C, I can't wait to hear what happened to you at the last event.
As for myself, I really wanted to share the awesomeness that I skillfully crafted. (Not that I'm super proud or anything). I think I might have created commitment without having the conversation. But please don't feel you have to read, I just wanted to share, and thought you two might appreciate this.
Ok, so you know B? Uber-Commitment phobe whom I've been dating since January and am, lets be honest, head of heels for. I've attempted to have the "conversation" about us several times, and Ben has skirted the issue several times. He took me to the Hockey Game last night, and afterwards we had dinner at Nando's. Now to catch you guys up, over the past several weeks, he has been increasingly active in his pursual/interest, and its really odd for a Day to pass without me either getting an e-mail, gchat, or text from him. We have the whole "classy" competition going on, where we get points for classy events we go to, and he honestly seems more interested than ever before.
This does not detract from the fact that he is painfully fearful of commitment, and even though I am fairly certain he is not dating anyone else, its hard not to feel like he's not waiting for something better to come along. I've also decided that he's my own Mr. Big.
But at anyrate, last night we had this talk about the new bowling league, and I expressed how excited I was, and that it would be fun to put a team together. I asked if he was interested, and he said yes! So now we are both inviting close friends to join and are basically running the bowling team. Which is a significant commitment. I mean it solidifies that we will see eachother at least once a week, and everyone who comes will know that we are dating.
So basically, its a commitment, that he's not planning moving on, at least until the end of january. Which takes away a huge weight off my shoulders of, "when will I see him again," "should I invite him to some event," etc. It might seem small, but I think its a really great step in the realm towards commitment, and it means we don't have to have "the conversation" yet, and I can leave the ball in his court. Perhaps I'm over-exagerating, but it seems like the perfect middle ground between dating and commitment. Heart.
He's also promised to attend the Smithsonian Young Benefactors Christmas/Yule Ball with me and to actually Dance!
Really happy with life right now,
M
I just wanted to say thanks for such a great Haloween. 3 parties in one night baby! C, I can't wait to hear what happened to you at the last event.
As for myself, I really wanted to share the awesomeness that I skillfully crafted. (Not that I'm super proud or anything). I think I might have created commitment without having the conversation. But please don't feel you have to read, I just wanted to share, and thought you two might appreciate this.
Ok, so you know B? Uber-Commitment phobe whom I've been dating since January and am, lets be honest, head of heels for. I've attempted to have the "conversation" about us several times, and Ben has skirted the issue several times. He took me to the Hockey Game last night, and afterwards we had dinner at Nando's. Now to catch you guys up, over the past several weeks, he has been increasingly active in his pursual/interest, and its really odd for a Day to pass without me either getting an e-mail, gchat, or text from him. We have the whole "classy" competition going on, where we get points for classy events we go to, and he honestly seems more interested than ever before.
This does not detract from the fact that he is painfully fearful of commitment, and even though I am fairly certain he is not dating anyone else, its hard not to feel like he's not waiting for something better to come along. I've also decided that he's my own Mr. Big.
But at anyrate, last night we had this talk about the new bowling league, and I expressed how excited I was, and that it would be fun to put a team together. I asked if he was interested, and he said yes! So now we are both inviting close friends to join and are basically running the bowling team. Which is a significant commitment. I mean it solidifies that we will see eachother at least once a week, and everyone who comes will know that we are dating.
So basically, its a commitment, that he's not planning moving on, at least until the end of january. Which takes away a huge weight off my shoulders of, "when will I see him again," "should I invite him to some event," etc. It might seem small, but I think its a really great step in the realm towards commitment, and it means we don't have to have "the conversation" yet, and I can leave the ball in his court. Perhaps I'm over-exagerating, but it seems like the perfect middle ground between dating and commitment. Heart.
He's also promised to attend the Smithsonian Young Benefactors Christmas/Yule Ball with me and to actually Dance!
Really happy with life right now,
M
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